TIPS FOR FACING “TURNING POINTS” IN YOUR LIFE TIPS FOR FACING “TURNING POINTS” IN YOUR LIFE

by Radha Ruparell

On April 5, 2020, I started feeling tired, more tired than I usually feel in the middle of the day. Two days later, I realized that I had been hit with this new virus that everyone was talking about,  COVID-19. The virus was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I started the year as a healthy, active, young professional. Then I contracted this virus and suddenly found myself bedridden, unable to work, and suffering from a full-body assault on my heart, brain, stomach and other organs. More than a year in, while much has improved, I still have not recovered my full health.

We all face turning points in our lives. One minute we’re doing well, the next, we’re in the middle of a crisis. Turning points can be terrifying. The ultimate question is, how are we going to face them?

Here are three lessons I discovered while battling the biggest turning point in my life:

  1. Get rid of your “invisible mask”: The single biggest thing that helped me through my battle was having a strong support network. In the early days, I barely had strength. So I reached out only to a doctor friend and to my sister for support but no one else. But soon, a work colleague of mine, who I would not have expected to be one of my core pillars of support, started reaching out to me every day. Her encouraging text messages offered me so much comfort and helped me get through the difficult nights. I used to think that reaching out for help implied weakness, that strong people don’t complain, and tough it out. Now, I believe the opposite: that reaching out for help is not weak at all. What I discovered in removing my “invisible mask” was that, on the other side lay connection, a deep human connection with others so beautiful that it completely stirred my soul. What might be possible if you removed your “invisible mask?”

2. Slow down and soak it in: Like many New Yorkers, I lead a busy life. This experience has gotten me to slow down and take life in. Slowing down helped me rediscover things I had taken for granted. When I left my apartment after 27 days in isolation, the first thing I noticed were the beautiful tulips growing in a little patch outside my building. I had lived in this apartment for a year. Why had I never noticed these flowers in springtime before? Oh, and the feeling of a breath of fresh air, a gust of wind, and the first time seeing trees after a month indoors! What would life feel like if we always approached the world with childlike wonder? What if you soaked in the magic of each moment like it was your first and last on earth?

3. Focus on “being” not “doing”: When my life flashed before my eyes, I found myself wondering not about what I had accomplished, but who I had been along the way. Had I been kind to my family and friends? Had I taken full responsibility for my mistakes? We spend so much of our lives focusing on what we are doing, but in the end, all that matters is who we are being. I have found that one way to bring more of a being paradigm to your life is to pick a word or two that defines who you want to be, and then treat this as your highest priority. For me, that word is “generous”. What is it for you?

I’ll leave you with one final thought from my new book, Brave Now: “Being brave is not an innate characteristic reserved for a select few. At any moment, any one of us can choose to be brave.” 

BIO

Radha Ruparell has worked with CEOs, Fortune 500 senior executives, social entrepreneurs, and grassroots leaders around the world to unlock their leadership. She currently heads the Global Leadership Accelerator at Teach For All, a global network of organizations in 60 countries committed to developing leadership to ensure all children fulfill their potential. Her new book is BRAVE NOW: Rise Through Struggle and Unlock Your Greatest Self.

CENTRING YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT’S IN FLUX CENTRING YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT’S IN FLUX

“Within you, there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Amidst the coronavirus outbreak, economic instability and dramatically shifting political landscapes of 2020, it’s been hard to find a solid piece of anything that isn’t in a state of flux. Travel bans, working from home and social distancing are the new normal, replacing time together in person with screens and Zoom calls. If the change and uncertainty have been negatively affecting your stress and anxiety, The World Health Organization has stated that you’re not alone.

Now more than ever it’s important to look within and channel the tools we already have to centre ourselves. Centring is the process of getting back in touch with ourselves when we’re feeling lost or off-balance. To be present in the now. Think of the centrepoint as the bullseye at the core of who we are. When we’re feeling off-balance, we might act out of character, make bad decisions or feel as though we lack purpose and meaning. For me, feeling off centre during this time has meant some unhealthy patterns of behaviour emerging; eating more than my fair share of junk food, frantically scrolling through pages and pages of news, trying to find answers. 

My partner and I are both cut off from visiting our immediate family members who live in different countries to us. Not knowing when we might next see them, and worrying that someone will fall ill and we won’t be there to care for them has been, and continues to be, a major stressor for us. My natural reflex has been to speed up, searching for ways to preserve our normality. I’ve been on overdrive. Yet, to centre ourselves requires taking the time to slow down and look within for guidance. At the time, for me this felt counterintuitive and it was the opposite of what I’d found myself doing. 

If you’ve been reading the news as much as I have, then you can’t have missed the coverage about our healthcare workers during the peak of the virus. Our frontline workers, in particular, have been asked to operate in overstretched and traumatic conditions, with little or no time for recuperation. But where does this trauma and grief go when there’s limited space to heal?

In our various roles as colleagues, partners, parents, friends, leaders, activists, we may feel the need to be there for others; to hold things together, to present a solid front. We may be the one others turn to looking for support and guidance at difficult times. But how can we hold it together for others when we’re struggling to hold it together for ourselves? It’s difficult to take care of other people before we’ve taken care of ourselves. 

Quietening down in order to disconnect is key. It can help to carve time out of your day to prioritise yourself whether it’s after the kids are in bed or by saying ‘no’ to something. If you feel overwhelmed, try reducing exposure to media channels. Writing and other creative outlets can be therapeutic, or if you find going for long walks in nature activates your reflective side, give it a try. I personally find getting out on my own into green space with no phone helps me clear out the white noise and access my deeper emotions. We’re all different, though, so a good place to start is remembering times you reconnected with yourself. 

It can feel uncomfortable to be alone with one’s thoughts, especially if you’ve been drowning them out by overworking rather than simply being. But the practice of expressing difficult thoughts and acknowledging what comes to the surface is important. In doing so, we can recognize our true sense of self and better find ways to heal. 

Elissa Goldenberg, COO at The Wellbeing Project encourages us to take stock during times of change by asking ourselves what matters most to us, and what we stand for. Spending time figuring this out can help us reconnect to our values, and recognize where we may have strayed away from prioritising them. In doing this, we identify energy-draining activities that aren’t helping us to grow or reframe our outlook to help us get back to where we need to be.

We need to practice compassion in our actions, our communications, our service, and importantly, our self-care. When we make a habit of taking good care of ourselves, we’re likely to lead healthier lives and feel less stressed. Within us, space becomes available to deepen our connection to others; to listen more intently, and to show up in a new way for the people and the causes we care about.

When did you last take the time to truly switch off and reconnect with your inner voice? 

About the Author:
Sarah Plant is a content writer and author of the current affairs blog That News Thing. While she spends most of her professional life writing about wellbeing and current affairs, outside of work she’s often found curled up with a cup of coffee, reading non-fiction or wrapping up warm to explore the stunning (but cold!) northern English countryside.

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GUIDING NEW DAILY RITUALS IN COVID-19 AND BEYONDGUIDING NEW DAILY RITUALS IN COVID-19 AND BEYOND

By Alana Cookman, Organisational Wellbeing Lead for The Wellbeing Project

“I miss my commute” is something I thought no-one would ever say.  But now it feels like everyone is saying it. Why is something that was the bane of many a working day, suddenly being remembered as a cherished time? Did the crowded metro provide that much needed human contact? Perhaps it is one of the many everyday things we have lost and are mourning. It’s actually quite likely that we are missing the transition from Place A to Place B because it allowed us time to depart Role A and psychologically and emotionally arrive in Role B.  

It turns out that role transitions pre-pandemic had a much more important task in our everyday lives than we gave them credit for. They supported crucial psychological detachment and a mindset shift that we are fast realizing is missing, as we live out all our roles from one confined place. Whether it was a walk in the park, or a gym session after a stressful day, or listening to music on our way to work, these activities, whether accidentally or intentionally ritualized, help support us ‘land’ in our various roles in a way that feels spacious – with less chance of stress and tension from the various parts seeping in to each other. How do you manage the crossing of your roles now?  A cup of tea, a five minute meditation, a listen to your favorite podcast on a walk round the block, as you used to do on your morning commute, that helps you get into ‘work mode’? My daughter misses her many daily and weekly rituals from school. The activities that separate morning and afternoon, play time and work time, celebration and connection, endings and beginnings.  The ‘golden time’ that makes work time that much more motivating. Ritualised activities can be invigorating or calming depending on what you need,  and provide a welcome element of predictability for centering and grounding in times of such flux, and for honouring and acknowledging the change and loss happening so rapidly around us.  

“Ritual practice is the activity of cultivating extraordinary ordinariness. It is necessary, because human activity has a kind of entropy about it; life, like love, runs down. Things get tiresome and difficult. Body and soul cry out for something different, hence the impetus to ritualize. But if the ritually extraordinary becomes a goal or is severed from ordinariness, it loses its capacity to transform, which, after all, is what rites of passage are supposed to do.” Ronal Grimes

There is a finer sense of awareness on what nourishes us, energises us and depletes us, as we tend to all parts of our lives in one physical space, too. Our shifting understanding of what work-life balance means to us is on our minds.  What do we want this to look like when some more predictable routine returns? Rather than think of work-life balance as another thing to be achieved or fixed, it’s helpful to think of it as a continuum, with integration on one end and segmentation on another. While we are more on the integrated end of things at the moment, what can we learn from segmentors? 

This is where the concept of micro transitions come in handy, because they help ease or put up the boundaries we need to support us transition from one role to another, depending on where on the continuum you want to sit.  And that’s the beautiful thing with continuums; polarities aren’t problems to be solved, but rather parts of the same whole that can be managed, depending on your own needs and contexts.  Polarity mapping is a tool that helps us adopt a ‘both, and’  as opposed to an ‘either,or’ mindset, something that is increasingly helpful in these complex times where many outcomes are likely to emerge in ways we aren’t accustomed to.  It is a helpful process to use when you are faced with what seems like an opposing or contradictory situation and need a moment to reflect on where feels like a healthier place for you to be, both personally and in your professional lives. 

The urgency of attending to immediate, and often unknown, needs (whilst being very distracted) during the first two months of the Covid-19 pandemic unfolding, is making way for different concerns, as we continue on in our worlds of ‘sheltering in place’. Many people emerging from what felt like a months of back-to-back Zoom calls are craving an element of sustainability to their days and weeks ahead. Accepting a possible longer haul at home has us wondering how we can create space in between our calls, roles, days and weekends, to enable a healthier way of being, working, and living. How are you showing up and switching off in this time of blurred boundaries?  What do your in-between spaces look like? Do you even have any?  Are your kids sharing breakfast with your team in little squares on your laptop screen? Are your work issues seeping into your relationships? How many times have you checked email in bed recently? Perhaps you aren’t working right now, which could be causing worry or guilt.  Some of us don’t want to do anything and are anxious we aren’t being creative, productive or even reflective enough. Some of us want to be doing much more to help others in more pressing need. We are craving human connection but are drained by virtual meetings. It seems our working selves are in a flux of paradox and polarity. 

Even though lockdowns are easing globally, it’s very likely that it will be a slow process and remote work in some form, is here to stay for many of us. Given this largely unplanned merger  of life and work, it’s a good time to think about how we approach our different roles, wherever you sit on the compress or expanse scale.  How are you embodying your various roles in ways that you want to, without leaving the physical space you are in? How are you creating in-between spaces, or micro-transitions, that help you show up and switch off in ways that support you and those around you? Can you share any rituals that support these transitions in your extraordinary everyday life?  Being well and working well do not have to be separate ends of the pole.

What differences can you make now that your body and soul will be thankful for? Whatever your answer might be, know that this is the moment where you can design the new you.

About the author:
Alana Cookman is Organisational Wellbeing Lead at The Wellbeing Project  which is exploring and demonstrating how individual and organisational wellbeing can be cultivated, to catalyse a shift towards a more human-centred culture in the social change sector.