I’m Feeling Optimistic About 2023, Thanks to Advice From The Dalai Lama’s Doctor I’m Feeling Optimistic About 2023, Thanks to Advice From The Dalai Lama’s Doctor

Words:

Molly Longman
Journalist

I’ll say it — I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about 2023. Let lightning strike if it will.

I feel this way, seemingly against the odds. I’m one of those masochists who reads the news faithfully each morning, taking in the passing of increasingly draconian laws, the “tripledemic,” mass shootings, climate change… and, don’t get me started on the capitalistic voyeurism-nightmare that was #christmashaul TikTok. I could — and have — written pages on these issues individually, so grouping them together almost seems flippant. But we live in a world where we’re constantly forced to skip from one tragedy to the next, like a rock on a lake that happens to be polluted, on fire, and full of genetically altered one-eyed fish.

Okay, okay… I know that doesn’t sound optimistic, but I’m feeling that way in spite of all of these things, even with the knowledge that 2023 will bring its own set of challenges. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about a series of inspiring conversations I had back in 2022 with Barry Kerzin, MD, who happens to be the Dalai Lama’s physician. We spoke at The Wellbeing Summit for Social Change, and I watched him give a talk and workshop. By the end of the week, we were discussing politics and the concept of hell over tea.

Dr. Kerzin isn’t just a nice guy and a famous physician, but a Buddhist monk, an author, a professor, a nonprofit-founder, and the creator of the meditation app AIMIcare. He gets a lot done — and not just because he wears sneakers under his monastic robes. Dr. Kerzin is fueled, in part, because he’s learned through grief, training, and time to have a lot of compassion for people. And that mindset of loving-kindness has led to his pursuits. A lot of people (okay, me!) might initially roll their eyes at the phrase “loving-kindness” — which means putting out positive energy toward yourself and others, often through meditation. But after talking to Dr. Kerzin, it’s not hard not to feel like there might be something to it. In fact, my conversations with him resonated so much, I came back to the tapes of them while thinking about what I wanted to accomplish in 2023. I was especially struck by the way Dr. Kerzin had gone through difficult times — he lost his mother at a young age, and then his wife — and yet found a path that helped him stay steady and make the world a better, kinder place.

There are several nuggets from our talks that I’m taking into the new year with me, and I’ve laid them out here. Hopefully, they’ll speak to you too… and maybe even make you feel optimistic.

Start with self-compassion

The idea of self-compassion can seem antithetical to the whole “I’ll be better in 2023” shtick, which is why I’m starting with it. Whether your plan this year is to move your body more or improve time management, it’s difficult not to be hard on yourself the first time you skip a workout or forsake your to-do list. But negative self-talk can impact us in big ways, and even subconsciously affect our ability to be tolerant of others.

You can challenge the harsh voice inside your head by just noticing when it’s putting you down. Say, if you catch the voice telling you that you’re going to completely fail at all your New Year’s resolutions just because you had one setback. Just recognizing that you’re having these thoughts is a great first step on the path to self-compassion. Then, it’s a matter of redirecting those thoughts to more warmhearted ones (maybe think of an affirmation you’d give to your bestie if they were in the same situation, and write that down or remember it).

Dr. Kerzin also recommends working hard to notice if the negative voices in your head are really echoes of your past. If someone has told you, directly or indirectly, that you aren’t smart or attractive, it’s easy “to internalize those things,” he says. “And the more we do that, we make them our own. It becomes like our own voice saying those things, even though it didn’t start out that way. It was somebody else putting us down. We need to recognize that this is not ours. That gives us permission to slowly just throw that stuff out. Don’t buy into it.”

Another easy way to practice self-compassion: “Doing things we enjoy and that are meaningful to us — do them!” Dr. Kerzin says. “It’s okay, whatever it is.”

Be kind to others, too

Being nice to ourselves lays the groundwork for how we treat others. “Having self-compassion — giving more kindness and gentleness to ourselves — is a foundation,” Dr. Kerzin says. But, “if we stop at only being compassionate to ourselves, that’s when it can become selfish. The more we have compassion for ourselves, the more we can help others, engage with, and listen to them… In the same way that we’re getting in touch with our own pain, when we’re with someone and they are in pain, we can better figure out what we can do to help.”

We can put kindness into play in 2023 in myriad ways — just listening to a friend when they’re upset, volunteering, donating, forgiving someone, or giving a colleague the benefit of the doubt.

And, as with the circle of life, these acts of compassion towards others also end up being in service of ourselves. “Helping others is actually a wonderful way to help ourselves,” Dr. Kerzin says. “We feel good when helping others.” In other words: “Compassion is a win-win.”

Now, it’s easier to be compassionate to some than to others. There are people who get under our skin — and those we don’t even like. When you come across these folks, Dr. Kerzin says it can help your mindset to “make a distinction between the actor and the action. People have to be held accountable for their actions, but you can still have compassion for the person.” This is because, in Dr. Kerzin’s view, if someone is doing wrong, they’ll have to pay for their harmful actions in the future, one way or another. As Taylor Swift has said, “karma’s on your scent like a bounty hunter.”

Develop an inner safe space, even when the world outside is crazy

I mentioned my love of the news — there’s a lot of upsetting stuff screaming up at us from our phone screens. And immersing ourselves too much in such events can make us feel powerless. So much is still out of our control, no matter how much we protest, recycle, and call our Congresspeople.

That’s why it’s helpful to cultivate a space where you can go to find peace despite any external chaos that’s coming from your phone, community, coworkers, or even your friends and family. You can do this through mindfulness, meditation, or journaling. “There are various ways we can go inside in the present moment and observe what’s happening,” Dr. Kerzin says. “Ask yourself: What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What are my emotions? What’s my mood? What are my attitudes?… Rather than reacting, we are just observing. The more we take this approach, slowly with time, we’re less influenced by external affairs.”

Maybe you’re thinking: I have tried meditation and I’m not a fan. But it doesn’t have to be a formal “sit down and count your breath” kind of ordeal. It could be just taking a stroll in the park and noticing your body move. You could also try noticing the sounds and tactile feeling of doing the dishes, something my favorite meditation app Healthy Minds recommended to me. Or going to yoga or a concert or sitting in a church, mosque, or temple, and noticing how your five senses are responding.

“If we develop this practice to go inward and observe without reacting or judging, our inner life can let us develop a home; that home is in our hearts,” Dr. Kerzin continues, placing his hand over his chest. “It’s inside. And it’s something we can always return to, regardless of the climate catastrophe and the pandemics. It gives us a place of safety. A place of joy. And that’s something we can reach in the face of external calamities.”

That’s not to say we should stay in and ignore the pivotal issues around us. Knowing we have this safe place to come home to can give us the strength to turn outward again and fight for the causes we care about. “Having this home in our hearts gives us the strength, inspiration, and courage to go out and fight for what is right the next day,” Dr. Kerzin says. “Of course, ‘fight’ with love and compassion, ‘tough love.’”

Consider your “purpose” — not your goals

“When I was young — six, seven or so — there were two questions that were coming up for me regularly,” Dr. Kerzin says. “I’d ask, Who am I? and What am I doing here? These questions arose spontaneously. My life has been a lot about answering those questions,” Dr. Kerzin says. “I’ve come to the conclusion — it’s still an open question — but what I’ve come to is my purpose is to serve and help others.”

Having a purpose, whatever it may be, is different from having a “goal.” “Goals are temporary but a purpose is more meaningful,” Dr. Kerzin says. Now, having goals is by no means a bad thing, but they tend to be specific and time-related — I want to start volunteering or I’m going to run a half marathon this year — but “the purpose we’re talking about here is a deeper one underlying what’s meaningful and important about your whole life.” Dr. Kerzin prefers the “purpose” framing because he believes too much goal-setting can take you away from the present moment — meaning you can forget to appreciate the beauty of where you are right now.

If you’re not sure of your purpose, you can journal about the very questions Dr. Kerzin was asking himself as a kid: Who am I? What am I doing here? Once you know your purpose, it’s also important to ask: what tangible steps — both long- and short-term — can I take to achieve this?

Don’t put too much pressure on your purpose — it could be ever-changing and as simple as “make the lives of those I interact with a little better” or “do my part to raise awareness for a cause I care about.” When in doubt, “follow your heart,” Dr. Kerzin says.

Take the “middle way”

The “middle way,” is a Buddhist philosophy that involves steering away from extremes — from high highs and low lows in life. Dr. Kerzin happened to write a book about it. These days, many of us spend a lot of time creating highlight reels of our best lives — all the schnazzy shit we got for Christmas, for example. Or we’re venting about negative things to our friends and followers. This culture can make it harder to follow the Buddhist ideology, but not impossible.

“The middle way has different contexts,” Dr. Kerzin says. “It means on the one hand, in terms of our behavior, not to get too caught up with luxury. If we’re treated to something or buy something nice for ourselves, that’s fine, but don’t get too attached to it. Realize it’s not the only way to find happiness. It’s more of a way to find pleasure. But happiness is something in addition to pleasure, and it’s more lasting — subtler, more balanced and centered. But it’s also inside ourselves in our inner home.”

This comes back to having that “home” inside our hearts and minds — that concept helps us be a little less influenced by external trappings.

“Remember, pleasure comes from our senses: That painting is beautiful or this food is over the top,” Dr. Kerzin adds. “These are beautiful things. But they don’t last. They come. They go. If we don’t have them, sometimes we get pretty blown out of the water. We get depressed. But if we’ve cultivated this safety — this warm kindness, this love inside ourselves — we can develop this sense of a middle way, finding inner peace of mind.”

Don’t take yourself too seriously

Having a sense of humor makes life easier. And not taking yourself too seriously helps you avoid both acting arrogant and telling yourself you’re not enough. And if you do notice you’re freaking out over something small — or you’re feeling superior to others — Dr. Kerzin knows the best medicine: “Have a good laugh at yourself and move on.”

Last year, I left my conversations with Dr. Kerzin — and the uplifting Wellbeing Summit in general — feeling re-energized. I told myself I’d do a mindfulness meditation daily and really focus on the idea of compassion. I felt like I had a new lease on life. But, not long after the summit, the real world came crashing in like a tsunami and I felt like I was drowning in those dirty waters I mentioned before. Instead of morning mindfulness sessions, I’d jump out of bed and head straight to my desk, where I’d hunch over my laptop for hours. I was extremely hard on myself — I felt I was never doing enough. I wasn’t practicing compassion towards myself and, sometimes, towards others.

It’s true, I spent a good part of 2022 doing the opposite of everything I’d learned at the summit and from Dr. Kerzin. But there were also times — not every day, but often enough — in which I did come back to these ideas of compassion, mindfulness, and the middle way. I certainly was not always consistent, but I did make progress. I’m acknowledging those baby steps as an act of self-compassion.

So, I’m kicking off 2023 with my purpose in mind, hoping that I’ll grow in these concepts even more. That’s why I’m feeling good about it. And if the year is all uphill from here, I’ll employ another one of Dr. Kerzin’s lessons: I’ll laugh at myself for leading this story with the word “optimistic.”

An Introduction to Mindfulness: How to Practice Mindful Eating An Introduction to Mindfulness: How to Practice Mindful Eating

By Greta Rossi

On the tip of everyone’s tongue

Google Trends report that worldwide web searches for the term “mindfulness” have increased in popularity from a score of 9 (out of 100) in January 2004 to 100 in February 2018 (the August 2018 popularity is 87/100). This should not come as a surprise: mindfulness seems to be on the tip of everyone’s tongue – from Forbes to the New York Times, the world seems to have opened up its taste buds to this ancient practice. But what is mindfulness and how does it support the wellbeing of social change leaders?

In a nutshell, mindfulness is about being present in the here and the now, observing all that is happening within and around us with an attitude of curiosity which is neither critical nor judgmental. Against popular belief, mindfulness is not passive and isolating; it is rather active and connecting. Headspace App founder Andy Puddicombe highlights it stems from the “genuine desire to investigate how and why you think and feel the way you do”, opening up new pathways for mindset and behaviour change. It is a sort of gym for the brain.

Mindfulness can help anyone live with a sense of happy contentment, but it is particularly effective to sustain the wellbeing of social change leaders as they carry out their work in the world. There is plenty of scientific research that showcases the benefits of mindfulness on mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, including “better control of emotions, decreased rumination (dwelling on negative thoughts), improved working memory, better self-awareness, improved awareness of thoughts, reduced depression and anxiety, reduced physical illness, decreased emotional reactivity, more flexible thinking, increased positive emotion, and decreased negative emotion” (Bridget Grenville-Cleave, Introducing Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide).

Discovering mindfulness through food

There are plenty of ways in which you can cultivate mindfulness in your life, but since I am a foodie (as confessed in my very first blog post for Shift media channel), I would like to introduce a simple mindful eating practice to discover mindfulness through your senses. Mindful eating is the application of mindfulness towards your relationship with food and it can tell you a lot about how you relate to the world in general. In his book The Headspace Diet, Andy Puddicombe highlights some of the main benefits of mindful eating on the mind and body, such as:

  • It increases the density of neurons in your hippocampus, a part of the brain associated with emotional stability, which means healthier eating.
  • It increases the activity of your lateral prefrontal cortex, which is all about self-regulating and decision-making, which has been associated with making healthier food choices.
  • It reduces the urge to binge or comfort eat, with reduced activity in the part of the brain associated with compulsion, and increased activity in the area associated with self-control.
  • It reduces mind wandering, which can often lead to ‘unconscious decision-making’ around food. But if your mind doesn’t wander, then you can be conscious of the decision instead.
  • It increases feelings of happiness, wellbeing and optimism. It’s hard to overstate the importance of these things in living a healthy life and enjoying a sustainable eating plan.

Ultimately, it gives you the power to choose – not what thoughts and emotions come to your awareness – but how you relate to them and respond consequently. This power of choice is essential for any social change leaders who wish to be effective in their outer work.

Mindful eating practice

The following mindful eating practice is a starter wellbeing recipe which you can find on our website. The guidelines have been taken from the “mindful eating” exercise provided by Bridget Grenville-Cleave in her book Introducing Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide.

Take five minutes out of your normal schedule. Find a couple of small snacks or other edible treats, such as pretzels, small pieces of cereal, chocolate, or raisins. You also need a quiet place to sit. First of all, eat one of your chosen snacks in your normal fashion. Then pick up a second one and go through the following steps. Take your time, don’t rush.

1. Observing: Start by looking carefully at it. Imagine that you have never seen a pretzen or a raisin before. Notice its colour and texture, turn it over carefully and slowly in your hand. Notice how its colour changes as the light catches it. Notice the fine grains or salt on the pretzels, or the crinkles on the surface of the raisin. Sniff it. What odour can you detect? Imagine eating the pretzel or raisin, imagine putting it in your mouth. Notice how your mouth starts to water at the mere thought of eating it. If at any point you start thinking “Why am I doing this?” or “This is a waste of time”, acknowledge these as thoughts. Then return your attention to the object.

2. Tasting: Having observed the snack closely from every angle, put it in your mouth but don’t eat it just yet. What is the first sensation you notice? Is it taste or touch? How does the snack feel as you roll it around your mouth?

3. (Really) tasting: Now start to bit into or chew the snack. How does it feel when you bite into it for the first time? Do you get a satisfying crunch, or a soft chewy sensation? Notice the taste – is it a single flavour or a combination? Is it salty, sweet, or both? Take your time, imagining that you must make it last forever.

4. Swallowing: Finally, swallow, noticing any aftertaste or other sensations in your mouth.

5. Reflecting: Having eaten the snack, how do you feel? How did it feel to eat the snack mindfully?

6. Comparing: Now compare this with your experience of eating the first snack. Often, the first time people eat mindfully, they cannot believe how different it is to their normal experience of eating and how much enjoyment can be squeezed out of one tiny piece of food.

Over the coming months we will deepen our exploration of mindfulness through other practices, but in the meantime, if you liked this mindful eating exercise, why not trying a more thorough raisin meditation practice?

CENTRING YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT’S IN FLUX CENTRING YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT’S IN FLUX

“Within you, there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Amidst the coronavirus outbreak, economic instability and dramatically shifting political landscapes of 2020, it’s been hard to find a solid piece of anything that isn’t in a state of flux. Travel bans, working from home and social distancing are the new normal, replacing time together in person with screens and Zoom calls. If the change and uncertainty have been negatively affecting your stress and anxiety, The World Health Organization has stated that you’re not alone.

Now more than ever it’s important to look within and channel the tools we already have to centre ourselves. Centring is the process of getting back in touch with ourselves when we’re feeling lost or off-balance. To be present in the now. Think of the centrepoint as the bullseye at the core of who we are. When we’re feeling off-balance, we might act out of character, make bad decisions or feel as though we lack purpose and meaning. For me, feeling off centre during this time has meant some unhealthy patterns of behaviour emerging; eating more than my fair share of junk food, frantically scrolling through pages and pages of news, trying to find answers. 

My partner and I are both cut off from visiting our immediate family members who live in different countries to us. Not knowing when we might next see them, and worrying that someone will fall ill and we won’t be there to care for them has been, and continues to be, a major stressor for us. My natural reflex has been to speed up, searching for ways to preserve our normality. I’ve been on overdrive. Yet, to centre ourselves requires taking the time to slow down and look within for guidance. At the time, for me this felt counterintuitive and it was the opposite of what I’d found myself doing. 

If you’ve been reading the news as much as I have, then you can’t have missed the coverage about our healthcare workers during the peak of the virus. Our frontline workers, in particular, have been asked to operate in overstretched and traumatic conditions, with little or no time for recuperation. But where does this trauma and grief go when there’s limited space to heal?

In our various roles as colleagues, partners, parents, friends, leaders, activists, we may feel the need to be there for others; to hold things together, to present a solid front. We may be the one others turn to looking for support and guidance at difficult times. But how can we hold it together for others when we’re struggling to hold it together for ourselves? It’s difficult to take care of other people before we’ve taken care of ourselves. 

Quietening down in order to disconnect is key. It can help to carve time out of your day to prioritise yourself whether it’s after the kids are in bed or by saying ‘no’ to something. If you feel overwhelmed, try reducing exposure to media channels. Writing and other creative outlets can be therapeutic, or if you find going for long walks in nature activates your reflective side, give it a try. I personally find getting out on my own into green space with no phone helps me clear out the white noise and access my deeper emotions. We’re all different, though, so a good place to start is remembering times you reconnected with yourself. 

It can feel uncomfortable to be alone with one’s thoughts, especially if you’ve been drowning them out by overworking rather than simply being. But the practice of expressing difficult thoughts and acknowledging what comes to the surface is important. In doing so, we can recognize our true sense of self and better find ways to heal. 

Elissa Goldenberg, COO at The Wellbeing Project encourages us to take stock during times of change by asking ourselves what matters most to us, and what we stand for. Spending time figuring this out can help us reconnect to our values, and recognize where we may have strayed away from prioritising them. In doing this, we identify energy-draining activities that aren’t helping us to grow or reframe our outlook to help us get back to where we need to be.

We need to practice compassion in our actions, our communications, our service, and importantly, our self-care. When we make a habit of taking good care of ourselves, we’re likely to lead healthier lives and feel less stressed. Within us, space becomes available to deepen our connection to others; to listen more intently, and to show up in a new way for the people and the causes we care about.

When did you last take the time to truly switch off and reconnect with your inner voice? 

About the Author:
Sarah Plant is a content writer and author of the current affairs blog That News Thing. While she spends most of her professional life writing about wellbeing and current affairs, outside of work she’s often found curled up with a cup of coffee, reading non-fiction or wrapping up warm to explore the stunning (but cold!) northern English countryside.

ON A SIMILAR NOTE ON A SIMILAR NOTE

How To Find Peace Of MindHow To Find Peace Of Mind

Peace of mind and harmony – one of the prerequisites for finding a complete and happy life. We feel more confident and full when we are in a state of inner peace! This is the state when we are balanced, attentive, and conscious. Being in critical situations or circumstances that are not comfortable for us, peace begins to leave us. But having resumed classes that help to find inner silence, life is gradually improving again. Many people pass through this circle. From this, we can conclude: “If you do not have time for rest, it means that it is necessary for you.”

What is peace of mind, and why do we need it?

Peace of mind is a state of harmony with oneself and with the whole world. But above all, the order is a balance. If we compare the soul with a musical instrument, then the inner calm state is when the strings of the soul sound harmoniously and naturally. The sound is beautiful and pleasant for everyone! But when we are tense and fussy, the music will be strained, unnatural, and unpleasant.

Staying in the peace of mind, we are full of energy and in a good mood! We efficiently manage to resist the illnesses and bad attitude of others, and we are better at doing any work. We become more creative; we analyze better and solve problems faster. When peace of mind leaves us, and we get out of balance, the energy drops, we attract depression and illness. During the internal stress, we do not get much as we would like, and we make more mistakes.

Every time as soon as we get angry, fussing in vain, or fall into depression, etc., we seem to spill precious energy from our vessel of the soul. This energy is challenging to replenish! Think twice before the next time, indiscreetly, get out of yourself, start to get nervous, angry, think negatively, think, speak, and fuss about it in vain.

Peace of mind is a natural state for a person; that is why it is so necessary and desirable for us! When it disappears, we begin to experience discomfort and uncertainty. On the subconscious mind, we want to return to this state. There is a desire to “be yourself” or take a walk in the park to restore spiritual harmony.

The inner peace of mind is confused by many with lethargy, laziness, or apathy. But it is not so! You can make an active external activity while maintaining inner peace. An event even, as a rule, turns out to be an order of magnitude better when you are in a state of inner calm. This is the state in which you are collected, aware, and attentive.

Only within yourself can one find peace and confidence. There is no peace and stability in the world around us, and everything around is in a state of constant changeability. How can we cope with the unpredictability of life? Only by accepting it! Tell yourself: “I am ready for all surprises and meet them with calm clarity.” Make a decision: “Whatever happens, I can do it in the best way possible.” What is happening around is not so important, what is happening inside is essential! The ship does not sink when it is in water, and it drops when water is in it. Whatever the fuss and chaos you are in, it is much more critical to maintain inner peace of mind. You lose if you lose your awareness, tense, angry, or hurt. What matters is not the circumstances, but how we react to them!

How to keep the mind in peace under any circumstances?

• Adoption. Take everything as it is; it will give you ease. Learn to accept people and circumstances as they are, without the desire to adjust to their standards and wishes. Also, learn to accept and love yourself as you are, with all the mistakes and shortcomings!
• Attention. Remove the focus of attention from the stimulus and focus it on yourself, on your inner world, on the sensations in the body. Abstracted from external factors and irritants.
• Deep relaxation. Remove anxiety, haste, anger, resentment, etc. If there is tension in the body, remove it. Be inner relaxed!
• Breath. Watch your breath; breath evenly and calmly, with a full chest. Exhalation should not be shorter in the duration of inhalation. Take a deep breath and exhale. Keep breathing evenly and measured.
• Awareness. Be as conscious and collected as possible.
• Think positive. Stop creating negative thoughts, and if such people have still made their way into the consciousness, then watch them, watch how they leave you and dissolve, like waves from a stone thrown into the lake. Try to think well of others, about yourself, about life.
• Respect. Respect yourself and others.
• Confidence. Be confident in yourself. Encourage yourself; tell yourself, “I will succeed.”
• Naturalness. Try to be natural, relaxed, and liberated.
• Smile. Smile often. Smile always looking in the mirror, communicating with other people. Smile from the heart and be in a joyful mood. Treat everything with humor!

Be, without unnecessary thoughts. Be present in the current moment. Be a bystander. Watch the events taking place removed; track the causes of events, without feelings. Just be.

If you want to protect yourself from all adversity, you have chosen the wrong planet. Here we are always faced with situations pushing us out of the comfort zone and unbalancing. We must always be prepared for this challenge. There is always lesson to extract, a positive experience, and an opportunity to move on!

About the author

Melisa Marzett is a content writer who is currently working for http://www.essay-editor.net/ and enjoying life just the way it is. She lives in harmony and peace with herself and loves what she does for a living. She loves to move around, and she cannot stand still, traveling is something that excites her. Also, she is a healthy lifestyle and a gym enthusiast, so she makes it to where she can find a sports center to go to whatever place she visits.