Failure Files x The Wellbeing ProjectFailure Files x The Wellbeing Project

Failure is a part of life, especially for those working on complex issues for social change. Yet, very few people talk about failure, the deep impact it has on individuals as well as those around them, and the life lessons that come from failing.
To break this silence, The Wellbeing Project is partnering with India Development Review (IDR).

The partnership with IDR will bring forth stories at the intersection of failure and well-being through IDR’s Failure Files, a multimedia initiative that seeks to normalise conversations around failure in the pursuit of social change.

We invite you to tune into the Failure Files podcast, to hear the inspiring stories of people who have failed forward. Listen to social entrepreneurs, a Dalit rights activist, and an Olympic gold medallist tell us about their failures, how it impacted both individual and collective well-being, and what the road to recovery and resilience looks like.

EPISODE 1

Having a dream is not enough | Vishal Talreja, Suchetha Bhat

In Part I of this conversation with IDR, Dream a Dream’s co-founder Vishal Talreja and CEO Suchetha Bhat share the story of the organisation’s implosion, Vishal’s burnout, and how owning up to failure was the first step in figuring out the way to build back up.

LISTEN ON – APPLE | SPOTIFY | GOOGLE

EPISODE 2

The road to recovery | Suchetha Bhat, Vishal Talreja

In Part II of this conversation, Dream a Dream CEO Suchetha Bhat and co-founder Vishal Talreja talk about what it took to rebuild an organisation in crisis, and how that led to discovering a new kind of leadership—one that the world needs more of.

LISTEN ON – APPLE | SPOTIFY | GOOGLE

EPISODE 3

Preparing for a marathon, not a sprint | Thenmozhi Soundararajan

What does self-care mean for those who are fighting systems of oppression and discrimination that are set up against them? On this episode, Thenmozhi Soundararajan, founder and executive director of Equality Labs, a Dalit civil rights organisation, talks about how systems of oppression affect well-being, what healing looks like for individuals and communities, and why failure is an opportunity to build power.

LISTEN ON – APPLE | SPOTIFY

ABOUT INDIA DEVELOPMENT REVIEW ABOUT INDIA DEVELOPMENT REVIEW

India Development Review (IDR) is Asia’s largest online media platform covering social change. IDR publishes cutting-edge ideas, lessons and insights, written by and for the people working on some of India’s toughest problems.

FOLLOW IDR ON SOCIAL MEDIA :

In collaboration with Vuslat Foundation, Generous Listening will be put forward at The Wellbeing Summit as one of the essential elements of wellbeing and a way to deepen our connection with ourselves, each other, and nature.

Generous listening is the practice of listening, to oneself, to one another, and to nature – with an open mind, with compassion, and without prejudice or agenda. It is the ability and willingness to expand our horizons, reach insight and enlightenment, and form empathy and understanding across deep divides.

Generous listening arrives from the practice of taking oneself out of one’s comfort zone, knowingly exiting the echo chambers or ideological bunkers in which we exist, and making an active effort to listen to opinions, ideas, and experiences that may challenge us. 

Generous listening leads to authentic connections and revelation. Through listening generously and working together to cultivate a culture of generous listening, we can transform the way we experience the world – Vuslat Foundation.

HOW IS GENEROUS LISTENING INTEGRAL TO WELLBEING?

We believe that listening plays a key role in the creation of a culture of wellbeing. A healthy relationship with self is essential for sustaining relationships with others and this in turn also affects the way we connect with our work and the world around us. 

Wellbeing is the experience of wholeness and interconnectedness and derives from a lifelong journey of inner work and conscious and intentional choices. 

Kindness, vulnerability, connection, and community can only be cultivated through the three pillars of generous listening: listening deeply to oneself, listening genuinely to one another, and listening sincerely to nature.

Through learning to listen deeply to ourselves, we can cultivate better mental health. Be it through self-compassionate approaches like spiritual practices, meditation, and journaling, or through seeking external guidance through therapy and more, we can embark on both self-development and self-acceptance. Only through some degree of self-awareness and inner peace, can we achieve compassion and empathy towards others. By opening the space and holding the intention to listen generously to one another, we overcome the modern epidemic of loneliness, forge authentic connections, and find paths to bridging cultural or political differences. Finally, we must listen generously to nature in order to value, preserve and seek refuge in the world’s natural environment which nourishes us and gives us life. Our common need and desire for security, safety, and belonging can be attained through cultivating a culture of generous listening. 

HOW IS GENEROUS LISTENING INTEGRAL TO THE WORK OF SOCIAL CHANGE, GOVERNMENT, ARTS AND BUSINESS LEADERS TO CREATE LASTING SOLUTIONS AND SYSTEMATIC CHANGE?

Social change and inner wellbeing are deeply interconnected. Changemakers who dedicate their lives to working on some of the world’s most pressing issues must similarly demonstrate leadership in listening generously, both to themselves, to others, and to nature. To drive meaningful social change, changemakers must have an acute ability to listen to the needs and experiences of the communities around them. To consistently display the adequate courage and compassion to respond to the challenges of others, they must first and foremost possess a state of inner wellbeing. Through being able to listen compassionately and intuitively to oneself, changemakers will then be able to step outside of themselves to understand the viewpoints of others, gain a more holistic perspective, and tackle social and environmental challenges. 

VUSLAT FOUNDATION AT THE WELLBEING SUMMIT

Vuslat Foundation is a global initiative that fosters a deeper appreciation of listening as the essential element of all our connections. The Foundation creates awareness about and spreads the skill of generous listening. Established in Switzerland in 2020, with offices in Istanbul and London, Vuslat Foundation works with artists, storytellers, changemakers and thought leaders. Through partnerships with academia, civil society, artists, and businesses; the Foundation develops knowledge, research, methodologies, and tools on generous listening, cultivates generous listening in the ecosystems of youth and children, and builds awareness and inspiration on generous listening–deeply aligned with the Wellbeing Summit.

JOURNALING FOR A BETTER LIVING JOURNALING FOR A BETTER LIVING

by Sambridhi Pandey

My hands slowly begin hurting as I am trying to finish the last few sentences on my “journal” while my eyes start clouding up and I cannot see clearly anymore. In the silence of the night, all I can hear is this prominent sound created from fiction; the pen against the paper when a pang of a sharp pain passing somewhere inside reminds me how difficult the past few months had been. Yet also reminding me, I was there…still there…breathing through another day.

Writing has always helped me revive through heartbreaks; both big and small. It has been an essential part of my human existence and a reliable source of contentment. Through times, when I needed a friend and didn’t have one, the paper and pen always came in handy to save the day.

Journaling, I realized, allows me to reflect, have a conversation with myself and look at situations through a new set of eyes.

The process is almost therapeutic as I begin flowing in with the words…stumbling into new perspectives and derivations from a situation that wouldn’t have otherwise occurred to me in a real time scenario.

Whether the moments are of sheer joy, gratitude or remorse, journaling blends into all the molds.

On occasions, it also plays the role of a time machine, meaning you can literally transport to a specific day or period in your life to revisit the memories, the emotions that come to life each time you go through the pages reminiscing the moments exactly the way they were.

As a good point of entry towards the journey of self-discovery, journaling lets you know yourself better, you begin understanding what makes you tick and what makes your heart sink as you write down. It’s almost like seeing yourself as a third person and really comprehending the inner workings while being detached and unbiased about situations.

I do not get to write in my journal daily and I don’t plan on logging the day-to-day mundane entries into it either. I am not super keen on tracking every hour or day of my life or what I ate for breakfast or lunch, although sometimes, that adds value too. I’d rather jump to the point and talk about things that need talking and attention. As a matter of fact, my journal entries are very intense. They are mostly monologues, where I talk myself out of a difficult phase, give myself more courage and hope to keep going.

It’s not always about stormy days though, I also make time to count my blessings and note down tiniest instances of coincidences, miracles, or my versions of “signs from the universe”, if you will. The entries are what I feel and what I think, they are mere mirrors of separate versions of me, the heart and mind. It’s always a pleasure knowing yourself from different phases of your life and seeing how you have evolved — there are certain moments where you realize how your vision had been morphed about a certain happening, how certain developments from the time of a journal entry has now shifted and your priorities have now transitioned. There is a lot of learning that goes around, rest assured.

If you’ve been considering journaling but don’t know where exactly to start, don’t fret, I’ve been there. Sometimes, its all at the top of your head, but you somehow lack the words or inspiration. To get started, you could try using some journal prompts.

SOME JOURNAL PROMPTS WHICH HAVE HELPED ME IN THE PAST:

  • My word of the day is…
  • How I feel about things that happened today…
  • One emotion that lies deep in my core is…
  • I am grateful for…
  • What has this incident taught me…
  • This thing made me happy/sad today.

We often underestimate the profound effects of something as simple as writing that comes with the least effort but has a wondrous and healing effect on us. Journaling is something I recommend to everyone interested and invested in wellness and betterment of their mental health and life.

You don’t have to be a great writer to commence your journaling journey, you don’t even have to be a writer to begin with. All you will ever need are three things — a pen, a few papers and all your consciousness, that does it!

Grab these things, sit down in a quiet space, put on some music, if you’d like and start jotting down whatever you feel, think or sense at the moment. Begin somewhere…anywhere and I promise the rest will fall together. So, whenever you feel clouded or you think you could use a friend and cannot confide in anyone just yet, a journal is what you need. It does miracles. So do yourself a favor and get yourself your paper binded friend. Trust me, I tried it and that’s what brought me here.

About the author:

Sambridhi is based in the U.S. and works in Marketing/Communications at the moment. She has also been in freelance writing for a while and has previously contributed to many global initiatives. Sambridhi considers herself to be a proprietor of mental health and emotional wellbeing and loves adding her insights to related conversations.

SELF-CARE: THE OPPOSITE OF SELFISHNESS SELF-CARE: THE OPPOSITE OF SELFISHNESS

For some an oxymoron, a new concept has emerged in our vocabulary recently: that of “digital wellbeing”. Perhaps it is not surprising that academics have been researching the impact of new digital technologies on people’s wellbeing for quite some time already, but the fact that tech-giants like Google are now paying attention to the topic is a sign of its relevance for our modern societies.

As Google acknowledges, technology is transforming the way we spend time, and this is why it’s more important than ever to ensure the tools we use are helpful, and not a distraction. Let’s consider for a brief moment how digital tools have changed the work of changemakers and social innovators. Many of them use digital tools at the core of their ventures, e.g. think about tech-preneurs teaching digital skills to children to equip them with the skills of the 21st century. Others rely on technology to scale their impact, e.g. think about social entrepreneurs who can reach (back-then-unimaginable) large audiences through online platforms and apps.

It is clear that digital tools have opened up new horizons for changemakers (and for all of us), but as we learn to navigate in these waters full of fascinating possibilities, we must also make a well-rounded assessment on the impact of digital technologies on our work and life. In fact, many are pointing to the negative impact of digital technologies on our wellbeing, which contributes to behaviours such as addiction, distraction, anxiety… Whether we want it or not, digital tools will possibly become more and more present in our lives, so we might as well learn to recalibrate our digital diet so that it is diverse, balanced, and nutritious.

To help people – professionals, changemakers, youth, educators – consume healthy digital diets that feed their minds, bodies, hearts, and souls with the nutrients they need to thrive, is what motivated us to contribute to Google’s new course on digital wellbeing. This course shares a new series of digital wellbeing online learning videos, available here. As Google explains, “each video encourages you to think about how you use technology and suggests ways to find the right balance for you.” Have a look at the videos and let us know what changes you are making to maintain a more balanced digital diet.

Read Google’s blogpost on the topic here.
Visit Google’s Digital Workshop new course landing page here.

FEEDING THE MIND, BODY, HEART AND SOUL FEEDING THE MIND, BODY, HEART AND SOUL

By Greta Rossi

How do you feed yourself?

I am a foodie, hands down. I do not eat out of hunger alone; rather, I take enormous pleasure in savouring all the flavours in the meal in front of me. Especially if I cooked it myself, expressing my culinary talent (no, I am not ready for MasterChef, but I do like to expand my repertoire by trying out new recipes). I find it deeply rewarding to get locally sourced seasonal ingredients at the farmers’ market and to dedicate time to artfully create a balanced but tasty culinary experience that provides my body with the nutrients it needs. As I am feeding my body, I am also feeding my soul. Hopeless Italian romanticism? Maybe so, but I can genuinely say my levels of joy increase if this becomes a shared experience where I am cooking for others.
In a similar manner, I love working. Even if I won the lottery and did not have to work to sustain myself financially, I do not think I would stop. In fact, working goes beyond feeding my bank account (which has been on a fairly regimented diet since I started my first social enterprise almost five years ago); it deeply nurtures my soul. I see my work as a lifelong journey that invites me to explore, experiment, and express new ways of being and acting in the world. Like me, many people around the globe find infinite joy in dedicating their lives to enacting a purpose that serves other people and the planet. These are what I call changemakers, people devoted to imagining new recipes for a nutritious, balanced, and flavoursome world.
However, the dominant paradigm is urging us to do everything bigger, faster… even bigger and faster… without taking a moment to breathe between one bite and the other, between one project and the next. As a result, many people find it difficult to maintain healthy and nutritious habits. To keep up with the demands of modern life, some opt for hypercaloric fast foods (think about people who work in fast-paced stressful environments where it is all about maximising profits at the expense of others’ wellbeing); others slip into binge-eating (observe how many friends mindlessly move from one task to the next without absorbing the experience), while yet others forget about eating altogether (how many colleagues compromise their health by stopping to sleep or exercise to work longer and longer hours?).
This growing disconnection with the food, the ingredients, and the land, is nothing but a reflection of a deeper sense of alienation from ourselves. Our kitchen is a complete and utter mess, with dirty pans left everywhere, the smell of burning covering everything else, and a stained apron left hanging on the table… Could we find inspiration from the great chefs to learn to clean our internal kitchen?

Discovering Recipes for Wellbeing

This is the intention behind Recipes for Wellbeing, a newly-established not-for-profit association, co-created and co-led by young changemakers who find joy in cooking and sharing wellbeing experiences with others. Our aim is to shift the culture of changemaking to re-discover the importance of holistic wellbeing to enable anyone to contribute more effectively to creating positive change in the world. We interpret wellbeing both as a catalyst for positive change in the world, and as the positive change in the world itself. In particular, we support changemakers in experiencing wellbeing for themselves and in spreading wellbeing to their teams, societies, and to the whole world.
Recipes for Wellbeing offers a series of services and products to boost the wellbeing of changemakers and their organisations to increase their capacity to tackle more effectively the challenges that are in the way of broader societal and ecological wellbeing.

Wellbeing recipes

In the same way a recipe in a cookbook takes you through the steps to prepare a particular dish, our wellbeing recipes guide you through specific processes to cultivate wellbeing in your everyday work and life.

There are a number of ways you can engage with our recipes: you may wish to focus on a particular category, which guarantees a balance among all recipes; or you may prefer to dig deep into the main courses but across categories; or else you may want to choose a particular level of difficulty, based on your needs and previous experience.

Our recipes are divided into four main categories:

Mind: Recipes that engage your mind and benefit your mental wellbeing.

Body: Recipes that engage your body and benefit your physical wellbeing.

Heart: Recipes that engage your heart and benefit your emotional wellbeing.

Spirit: Recipes that engage your spirit and benefit your connection to your unique and deepest identity, as well as to the universal consciousness that animates the cosmos and everything in it.

As with any cookbook, there are different kinds of recipes: starters, main courses, desserts, etc. but also quick-on-the-go options, or more elaborate alternatives. We also provide various difficulty levels, from easy recipes that do not require any previous knowledge or experience of wellbeing, through medium to hard recipe that require some or extended knowledge or experience of wellbeing.

Wellbeing labs

When you go out for a meal, you look for more than merely satisfying your physiological need for food. You may be curious to taste new combinations of flavours, to savour new ingredients, to find new recipes to try out at home… overall, you are looking for an experience. Our wellbeing labs offer similar experiences for individuals and their organisations to savour wellbeing.

We host anything from short inspiring talks through half-day interactive workshops to emergent personalised wellbeing retreats immersed in Nature lasting from 2.5 to 4 days for groups of individual changemakers or changemaker teams and organisations. Our retreats allow participants to explore the different ingredients of wellbeing through our recipes, which they choose at the beginning of the retreat to meet their needs and fulfill their hopes. Participants also receive valuable insights into how to become “wellbeing cooks” able to create a wellbeing plan to incorporate in their life and work to sustain their wellbeing.

Check out our website to find out more about our work and explore our wellbeing recipes to feed your mind, body, heart, and soul!

An Introduction to Mindfulness: How to Practice Mindful Eating An Introduction to Mindfulness: How to Practice Mindful Eating

By Greta Rossi

On the tip of everyone’s tongue

Google Trends report that worldwide web searches for the term “mindfulness” have increased in popularity from a score of 9 (out of 100) in January 2004 to 100 in February 2018 (the August 2018 popularity is 87/100). This should not come as a surprise: mindfulness seems to be on the tip of everyone’s tongue – from Forbes to the New York Times, the world seems to have opened up its taste buds to this ancient practice. But what is mindfulness and how does it support the wellbeing of social change leaders?

In a nutshell, mindfulness is about being present in the here and the now, observing all that is happening within and around us with an attitude of curiosity which is neither critical nor judgmental. Against popular belief, mindfulness is not passive and isolating; it is rather active and connecting. Headspace App founder Andy Puddicombe highlights it stems from the “genuine desire to investigate how and why you think and feel the way you do”, opening up new pathways for mindset and behaviour change. It is a sort of gym for the brain.

Mindfulness can help anyone live with a sense of happy contentment, but it is particularly effective to sustain the wellbeing of social change leaders as they carry out their work in the world. There is plenty of scientific research that showcases the benefits of mindfulness on mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, including “better control of emotions, decreased rumination (dwelling on negative thoughts), improved working memory, better self-awareness, improved awareness of thoughts, reduced depression and anxiety, reduced physical illness, decreased emotional reactivity, more flexible thinking, increased positive emotion, and decreased negative emotion” (Bridget Grenville-Cleave, Introducing Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide).

Discovering mindfulness through food

There are plenty of ways in which you can cultivate mindfulness in your life, but since I am a foodie (as confessed in my very first blog post for Shift media channel), I would like to introduce a simple mindful eating practice to discover mindfulness through your senses. Mindful eating is the application of mindfulness towards your relationship with food and it can tell you a lot about how you relate to the world in general. In his book The Headspace Diet, Andy Puddicombe highlights some of the main benefits of mindful eating on the mind and body, such as:

  • It increases the density of neurons in your hippocampus, a part of the brain associated with emotional stability, which means healthier eating.
  • It increases the activity of your lateral prefrontal cortex, which is all about self-regulating and decision-making, which has been associated with making healthier food choices.
  • It reduces the urge to binge or comfort eat, with reduced activity in the part of the brain associated with compulsion, and increased activity in the area associated with self-control.
  • It reduces mind wandering, which can often lead to ‘unconscious decision-making’ around food. But if your mind doesn’t wander, then you can be conscious of the decision instead.
  • It increases feelings of happiness, wellbeing and optimism. It’s hard to overstate the importance of these things in living a healthy life and enjoying a sustainable eating plan.

Ultimately, it gives you the power to choose – not what thoughts and emotions come to your awareness – but how you relate to them and respond consequently. This power of choice is essential for any social change leaders who wish to be effective in their outer work.

Mindful eating practice

The following mindful eating practice is a starter wellbeing recipe which you can find on our website. The guidelines have been taken from the “mindful eating” exercise provided by Bridget Grenville-Cleave in her book Introducing Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide.

Take five minutes out of your normal schedule. Find a couple of small snacks or other edible treats, such as pretzels, small pieces of cereal, chocolate, or raisins. You also need a quiet place to sit. First of all, eat one of your chosen snacks in your normal fashion. Then pick up a second one and go through the following steps. Take your time, don’t rush.

1. Observing: Start by looking carefully at it. Imagine that you have never seen a pretzen or a raisin before. Notice its colour and texture, turn it over carefully and slowly in your hand. Notice how its colour changes as the light catches it. Notice the fine grains or salt on the pretzels, or the crinkles on the surface of the raisin. Sniff it. What odour can you detect? Imagine eating the pretzel or raisin, imagine putting it in your mouth. Notice how your mouth starts to water at the mere thought of eating it. If at any point you start thinking “Why am I doing this?” or “This is a waste of time”, acknowledge these as thoughts. Then return your attention to the object.

2. Tasting: Having observed the snack closely from every angle, put it in your mouth but don’t eat it just yet. What is the first sensation you notice? Is it taste or touch? How does the snack feel as you roll it around your mouth?

3. (Really) tasting: Now start to bit into or chew the snack. How does it feel when you bite into it for the first time? Do you get a satisfying crunch, or a soft chewy sensation? Notice the taste – is it a single flavour or a combination? Is it salty, sweet, or both? Take your time, imagining that you must make it last forever.

4. Swallowing: Finally, swallow, noticing any aftertaste or other sensations in your mouth.

5. Reflecting: Having eaten the snack, how do you feel? How did it feel to eat the snack mindfully?

6. Comparing: Now compare this with your experience of eating the first snack. Often, the first time people eat mindfully, they cannot believe how different it is to their normal experience of eating and how much enjoyment can be squeezed out of one tiny piece of food.

Over the coming months we will deepen our exploration of mindfulness through other practices, but in the meantime, if you liked this mindful eating exercise, why not trying a more thorough raisin meditation practice?

TIPS FOR FACING “TURNING POINTS” IN YOUR LIFE TIPS FOR FACING “TURNING POINTS” IN YOUR LIFE

by Radha Ruparell

On April 5, 2020, I started feeling tired, more tired than I usually feel in the middle of the day. Two days later, I realized that I had been hit with this new virus that everyone was talking about,  COVID-19. The virus was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I started the year as a healthy, active, young professional. Then I contracted this virus and suddenly found myself bedridden, unable to work, and suffering from a full-body assault on my heart, brain, stomach and other organs. More than a year in, while much has improved, I still have not recovered my full health.

We all face turning points in our lives. One minute we’re doing well, the next, we’re in the middle of a crisis. Turning points can be terrifying. The ultimate question is, how are we going to face them?

Here are three lessons I discovered while battling the biggest turning point in my life:

  1. Get rid of your “invisible mask”: The single biggest thing that helped me through my battle was having a strong support network. In the early days, I barely had strength. So I reached out only to a doctor friend and to my sister for support but no one else. But soon, a work colleague of mine, who I would not have expected to be one of my core pillars of support, started reaching out to me every day. Her encouraging text messages offered me so much comfort and helped me get through the difficult nights. I used to think that reaching out for help implied weakness, that strong people don’t complain, and tough it out. Now, I believe the opposite: that reaching out for help is not weak at all. What I discovered in removing my “invisible mask” was that, on the other side lay connection, a deep human connection with others so beautiful that it completely stirred my soul. What might be possible if you removed your “invisible mask?”

2. Slow down and soak it in: Like many New Yorkers, I lead a busy life. This experience has gotten me to slow down and take life in. Slowing down helped me rediscover things I had taken for granted. When I left my apartment after 27 days in isolation, the first thing I noticed were the beautiful tulips growing in a little patch outside my building. I had lived in this apartment for a year. Why had I never noticed these flowers in springtime before? Oh, and the feeling of a breath of fresh air, a gust of wind, and the first time seeing trees after a month indoors! What would life feel like if we always approached the world with childlike wonder? What if you soaked in the magic of each moment like it was your first and last on earth?

3. Focus on “being” not “doing”: When my life flashed before my eyes, I found myself wondering not about what I had accomplished, but who I had been along the way. Had I been kind to my family and friends? Had I taken full responsibility for my mistakes? We spend so much of our lives focusing on what we are doing, but in the end, all that matters is who we are being. I have found that one way to bring more of a being paradigm to your life is to pick a word or two that defines who you want to be, and then treat this as your highest priority. For me, that word is “generous”. What is it for you?

I’ll leave you with one final thought from my new book, Brave Now: “Being brave is not an innate characteristic reserved for a select few. At any moment, any one of us can choose to be brave.” 

BIO

Radha Ruparell has worked with CEOs, Fortune 500 senior executives, social entrepreneurs, and grassroots leaders around the world to unlock their leadership. She currently heads the Global Leadership Accelerator at Teach For All, a global network of organizations in 60 countries committed to developing leadership to ensure all children fulfill their potential. Her new book is BRAVE NOW: Rise Through Struggle and Unlock Your Greatest Self.

CENTRING YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT’S IN FLUX CENTRING YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT’S IN FLUX

“Within you, there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Amidst the coronavirus outbreak, economic instability and dramatically shifting political landscapes of 2020, it’s been hard to find a solid piece of anything that isn’t in a state of flux. Travel bans, working from home and social distancing are the new normal, replacing time together in person with screens and Zoom calls. If the change and uncertainty have been negatively affecting your stress and anxiety, The World Health Organization has stated that you’re not alone.

Now more than ever it’s important to look within and channel the tools we already have to centre ourselves. Centring is the process of getting back in touch with ourselves when we’re feeling lost or off-balance. To be present in the now. Think of the centrepoint as the bullseye at the core of who we are. When we’re feeling off-balance, we might act out of character, make bad decisions or feel as though we lack purpose and meaning. For me, feeling off centre during this time has meant some unhealthy patterns of behaviour emerging; eating more than my fair share of junk food, frantically scrolling through pages and pages of news, trying to find answers. 

My partner and I are both cut off from visiting our immediate family members who live in different countries to us. Not knowing when we might next see them, and worrying that someone will fall ill and we won’t be there to care for them has been, and continues to be, a major stressor for us. My natural reflex has been to speed up, searching for ways to preserve our normality. I’ve been on overdrive. Yet, to centre ourselves requires taking the time to slow down and look within for guidance. At the time, for me this felt counterintuitive and it was the opposite of what I’d found myself doing. 

If you’ve been reading the news as much as I have, then you can’t have missed the coverage about our healthcare workers during the peak of the virus. Our frontline workers, in particular, have been asked to operate in overstretched and traumatic conditions, with little or no time for recuperation. But where does this trauma and grief go when there’s limited space to heal?

In our various roles as colleagues, partners, parents, friends, leaders, activists, we may feel the need to be there for others; to hold things together, to present a solid front. We may be the one others turn to looking for support and guidance at difficult times. But how can we hold it together for others when we’re struggling to hold it together for ourselves? It’s difficult to take care of other people before we’ve taken care of ourselves. 

Quietening down in order to disconnect is key. It can help to carve time out of your day to prioritise yourself whether it’s after the kids are in bed or by saying ‘no’ to something. If you feel overwhelmed, try reducing exposure to media channels. Writing and other creative outlets can be therapeutic, or if you find going for long walks in nature activates your reflective side, give it a try. I personally find getting out on my own into green space with no phone helps me clear out the white noise and access my deeper emotions. We’re all different, though, so a good place to start is remembering times you reconnected with yourself. 

It can feel uncomfortable to be alone with one’s thoughts, especially if you’ve been drowning them out by overworking rather than simply being. But the practice of expressing difficult thoughts and acknowledging what comes to the surface is important. In doing so, we can recognize our true sense of self and better find ways to heal. 

Elissa Goldenberg, COO at The Wellbeing Project encourages us to take stock during times of change by asking ourselves what matters most to us, and what we stand for. Spending time figuring this out can help us reconnect to our values, and recognize where we may have strayed away from prioritising them. In doing this, we identify energy-draining activities that aren’t helping us to grow or reframe our outlook to help us get back to where we need to be.

We need to practice compassion in our actions, our communications, our service, and importantly, our self-care. When we make a habit of taking good care of ourselves, we’re likely to lead healthier lives and feel less stressed. Within us, space becomes available to deepen our connection to others; to listen more intently, and to show up in a new way for the people and the causes we care about.

When did you last take the time to truly switch off and reconnect with your inner voice? 

About the Author:
Sarah Plant is a content writer and author of the current affairs blog That News Thing. While she spends most of her professional life writing about wellbeing and current affairs, outside of work she’s often found curled up with a cup of coffee, reading non-fiction or wrapping up warm to explore the stunning (but cold!) northern English countryside.

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How do you feed yourself? I am a foodie, hands down. I do not eat out of hunger alone; rather, I take enormous pleasure in savouring all the flavours in the meal in front of me.

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Wellbeing Project Reveals Changemakers’ Need for Personal Support
“Our project started with research—deep conversations with people working for and leading social change.”

TO MARK MENTAL HEALTH ACTION DAY, WE ASKED SOME MEMBERS OF THE WELLBEING COMMUNITY TO SHARE SOME ACTIONS THEY TAKE TO PRIORITISE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH. TO MARK MENTAL HEALTH ACTION DAY, WE ASKED SOME MEMBERS OF THE WELLBEING COMMUNITY TO SHARE SOME ACTIONS THEY TAKE TO PRIORITISE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH.

I realised that if I wanted to regain my mental health I must unlearn denial of anger.
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“Depression is anger turned inwards” – my Psychiatrist.

Like many people, particularly women, I grew up believing I should never be angry. Various influences taught me that it is bad to be an angry woman — she is ugly, untrustworthy, and unhealthy. I became expert at denying myself anything resembling anger, avoiding conflict, taking responsibility for maintaining harmony, and never having a strong opinion.

At 33, I experienced a profound loss that triggered a major depressive breakdown. Sitting in front of my psychiatrist week after week, I gradually began to understand his statement. Anger is an essential step in the grieving process, but because I couldn’t allow myself to even acknowledge anger I wasn’t able to grieve and move on from my loss. Over the years, a repressive toxicity collected inside me, condensed over decades, and had finally imploded. I was pulled into a blackhole of depression where my ability to feel anything was gone. All that existed was a robotic sense of nothingness. I was trapped in the vacuum of depression for 13 months.

I became expert at denying myself anything resembling anger, avoiding conflict, taking responsibility for maintaining harmony, and never having a strong opinion.

Several years later, I’ve experienced several different types of grief including the loss of: a belief system, people I’ve loved, faith in those I’ve trusted, an organisation and team I co-created, a perception of my identity and contribution in the world. With each loss the invasive thoughts of depression and anxiety attacks have resurfaced.

While I’m still terrified of depression and what it takes away from me each time, the length of my episodes have decreased as I’ve gathered tools that increase my awareness of when I’m repressing anger and skills to redirect the process towards allowing myself to feel and work through it.

The journey is often one step forward and two steps back as I clumsily learn to explore expressions of anger. But I’m making messy progress.

Tools that help me realise I’m repressing anger :

  • Weekly Therapy: Being completely honest with my psychologist about my symptoms and thoughts.
  • Keeping a list of my cognitive biases and unhelpful assumptions that I can refer to and ask myself if I am unwittingly applying them. A few example: I must never show anger; I must always improve a situation; I must not be a burden to others).
  • Let others around me know what signals to look for and how to gently ask me if that might be what’s happening when they notice those signals.
  • Dream analysis with my psychologist or psychiatrist.
  • Time in nature to allow space for subconscious thoughts to rise to consciousness.

Skills I use to redirect myself towards working through anger:

  • Saying out loud to someone I can trust, ‘I’m angry–here’s why…’.
  • Writing about why I might be angry and why I might be repressing that reaction.
  • Gradual exposure therapy exercises set by my psychologist.
  • Reading about why it’s not unusual to repress anger and the benefits of unlearning it (the book, Rage Becomes Her was a great example of this).
  • Meditation focused on awareness and acceptance of anger.
  • Controlled destruction (I went to a smash room on one occasion; took a hammer to a watermelon in my back garden on another).
  • Finding those who understand the type of situation that made me angry and discussing to gauge if anger seems to be a normal or appropriate response.
  • Asking others what their strategies are for appropriately and healthily acknowledging, expressing, and processing anger.

My hope is to eventually feel comfortable in acknowledging, experiencing, and expressing anger in a way I’m confident is productive and appropriate —regardless of what other people think. Because what could be more beautiful, honest, and healthy than being able to embrace the entire emotional spectrum of the very human condition of love and loss.

Bio

Jessamyn Shams-Lau was previously co-CEO of the Peery Foundation, where she implements and advocates for grantee-centric philanthropy, aiming to minimize the power dynamic inherent to grant-making. She is creator of Do Good Better, a university curriculum for social change leaders, and co-wrote and illustrated the book Unicorns Unite: How Nonprofits and Foundations Can Build EPIC Partnerships with Jane Leu and Vu Le.

GUIDING NEW DAILY RITUALS IN COVID-19 AND BEYONDGUIDING NEW DAILY RITUALS IN COVID-19 AND BEYOND

By Alana Cookman, Organisational Wellbeing Lead for The Wellbeing Project

“I miss my commute” is something I thought no-one would ever say.  But now it feels like everyone is saying it. Why is something that was the bane of many a working day, suddenly being remembered as a cherished time? Did the crowded metro provide that much needed human contact? Perhaps it is one of the many everyday things we have lost and are mourning. It’s actually quite likely that we are missing the transition from Place A to Place B because it allowed us time to depart Role A and psychologically and emotionally arrive in Role B.  

It turns out that role transitions pre-pandemic had a much more important task in our everyday lives than we gave them credit for. They supported crucial psychological detachment and a mindset shift that we are fast realizing is missing, as we live out all our roles from one confined place. Whether it was a walk in the park, or a gym session after a stressful day, or listening to music on our way to work, these activities, whether accidentally or intentionally ritualized, help support us ‘land’ in our various roles in a way that feels spacious – with less chance of stress and tension from the various parts seeping in to each other. How do you manage the crossing of your roles now?  A cup of tea, a five minute meditation, a listen to your favorite podcast on a walk round the block, as you used to do on your morning commute, that helps you get into ‘work mode’? My daughter misses her many daily and weekly rituals from school. The activities that separate morning and afternoon, play time and work time, celebration and connection, endings and beginnings.  The ‘golden time’ that makes work time that much more motivating. Ritualised activities can be invigorating or calming depending on what you need,  and provide a welcome element of predictability for centering and grounding in times of such flux, and for honouring and acknowledging the change and loss happening so rapidly around us.  

“Ritual practice is the activity of cultivating extraordinary ordinariness. It is necessary, because human activity has a kind of entropy about it; life, like love, runs down. Things get tiresome and difficult. Body and soul cry out for something different, hence the impetus to ritualize. But if the ritually extraordinary becomes a goal or is severed from ordinariness, it loses its capacity to transform, which, after all, is what rites of passage are supposed to do.” Ronal Grimes

There is a finer sense of awareness on what nourishes us, energises us and depletes us, as we tend to all parts of our lives in one physical space, too. Our shifting understanding of what work-life balance means to us is on our minds.  What do we want this to look like when some more predictable routine returns? Rather than think of work-life balance as another thing to be achieved or fixed, it’s helpful to think of it as a continuum, with integration on one end and segmentation on another. While we are more on the integrated end of things at the moment, what can we learn from segmentors? 

This is where the concept of micro transitions come in handy, because they help ease or put up the boundaries we need to support us transition from one role to another, depending on where on the continuum you want to sit.  And that’s the beautiful thing with continuums; polarities aren’t problems to be solved, but rather parts of the same whole that can be managed, depending on your own needs and contexts.  Polarity mapping is a tool that helps us adopt a ‘both, and’  as opposed to an ‘either,or’ mindset, something that is increasingly helpful in these complex times where many outcomes are likely to emerge in ways we aren’t accustomed to.  It is a helpful process to use when you are faced with what seems like an opposing or contradictory situation and need a moment to reflect on where feels like a healthier place for you to be, both personally and in your professional lives. 

The urgency of attending to immediate, and often unknown, needs (whilst being very distracted) during the first two months of the Covid-19 pandemic unfolding, is making way for different concerns, as we continue on in our worlds of ‘sheltering in place’. Many people emerging from what felt like a months of back-to-back Zoom calls are craving an element of sustainability to their days and weeks ahead. Accepting a possible longer haul at home has us wondering how we can create space in between our calls, roles, days and weekends, to enable a healthier way of being, working, and living. How are you showing up and switching off in this time of blurred boundaries?  What do your in-between spaces look like? Do you even have any?  Are your kids sharing breakfast with your team in little squares on your laptop screen? Are your work issues seeping into your relationships? How many times have you checked email in bed recently? Perhaps you aren’t working right now, which could be causing worry or guilt.  Some of us don’t want to do anything and are anxious we aren’t being creative, productive or even reflective enough. Some of us want to be doing much more to help others in more pressing need. We are craving human connection but are drained by virtual meetings. It seems our working selves are in a flux of paradox and polarity. 

Even though lockdowns are easing globally, it’s very likely that it will be a slow process and remote work in some form, is here to stay for many of us. Given this largely unplanned merger  of life and work, it’s a good time to think about how we approach our different roles, wherever you sit on the compress or expanse scale.  How are you embodying your various roles in ways that you want to, without leaving the physical space you are in? How are you creating in-between spaces, or micro-transitions, that help you show up and switch off in ways that support you and those around you? Can you share any rituals that support these transitions in your extraordinary everyday life?  Being well and working well do not have to be separate ends of the pole.

What differences can you make now that your body and soul will be thankful for? Whatever your answer might be, know that this is the moment where you can design the new you.

About the author:
Alana Cookman is Organisational Wellbeing Lead at The Wellbeing Project  which is exploring and demonstrating how individual and organisational wellbeing can be cultivated, to catalyse a shift towards a more human-centred culture in the social change sector.